Anger

I'm just so angry these days. It's like I can no longer even remember the me that was happy and full of energy. All the grudges I used to hold, all my disappointments, all the hurt feelings, all my insecurities just keep resurfacing. I keep feeling unappreciated and wronged all the time. Even if something wasn't happening at that moment, something will trigger a memory of something that boils my blood. Worst of all, the more I keep it all in my head, the worse it gets. But I have no one to tell it to.

I need an intervention

Working out!

Trying to gym back into the gym so right after gyming at my campus, I snuck into A's gym. Wonder how long it'll take for my abs to show again? Probably forever since I'm eating Jalepeno chips and candy left and right.  Too lazy to go through the hassle of eating right like before. It takes too much energy to. Make salads, sandwiches and fish. And on top of all that, mom goes psycho if I do anything in the kitchen besides cleaning and cooking so she doesn't have to. Sigh.

And I'm not helping myself feel less stressed by procrastinating on my essays and hw. I need to stop messing around!

Date night and relaxing.

Lately, it seems as though I keep becoming busier and busier each day. I mean before, it was just class and DDC but now it's all that plus work and the work I'm putting into 1U. I literallly have to plan out my week in advance or it doesn't work out. The only time I really have for myself are the times I stay up late at night to either browse the net because I refuse to do anything else or to watch my two shows. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a robot or something, having to always rely on a schedule, to a point that I actually made a big calender that I hung up on my wall to remind me of the things I have to get done.

I mean, I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm happy I have a easy enough job working with kids, that my classes are done with by Tuesday night and that I'm constantly on the move, but sometimes I miss having absolutely nothing to do except just sit there or cook with mom. Ah well, that's life I guess.

However, in the middle of all this, I did enjoy my Wednesday this week. I did have to wake up kind of early even though I went to sleep really late, but I think my day was good overall. After I dropped off A at school, I went over to campus to learn how to crochet. The two ladies who showed me were really nice so I hope the scarf I'm making for the homeless shelther comes out well. Right after that, I got my waxing done with a really nice lady, so that was a nice experience (that also saved a lot of money haha). Then directly after that, I went to J's house.

When I got to his room he was knocked out like he was dead or something, it was so cute haha He was sprawled all over the bed :) He looked so tired that I couldn't bring myself to wake him up so I went and sat outside and crocheted for an hour instead. Then I went to wake him up at 6 since other wise  we wouldn't be able to go out.

Watching him wake up and try to get the sleepiness out of his eyes made me really miss the times we used to nap together at his house. I had the best naps ever during those times, especially on rainy nights. I was surprised at how at ease I was with him back then because other than my dad's car, my house, my family's house or a close family friend's house, I've never been able to get deep sleep with anyone else. The best part was waking up in his gigantic arms <3 He's so warm (literally) that it warms up my soul (metaphorically).

Alright alright enough cheesiness, moving on. So after he woke up he went to shower so I fell asleep while he did all that haha. Then after all that, we went to check out the halal burger place, had a nice meal, walked around, went home to relax and talk to his mom for a bit and then I picked up A and went home. It was really relaxing and peaceful in the middle of my hectic schedule. It was our first night out in a while since I'm always busy so it made both of us really happy :)

The only bummer for the entire busy schedule is I don't get to help my mom as much and I can't fix a workout schedule since I wear myself out so quickly and because I have long days and by the time I'm done working, I just wanna go home or go over to J's to cuddle. I'm gonna have to fix that if I wanna get my abs back like I did before roza. Sigh. So much to do and not enough time.

Anyways, getting the sleepiness dizziness. Might as well read Measure for Measure until I pass out.

With love,

-M

A little celebration

Today is the first day of my favorite season, Fall. So amidst the chaotic whirlwind of things going on in my life, I treated myself to a semi-healthy Brunch. Surprisingly the oatmeal doesn't taste too bad. But yes, totally enjoying the very crappy weather and bit of time by myself. Ahh... <3

Patience

<p>As more and more days pass by, I'm realizing that despite what many people believe, I'm honestly starting to believe that patience is truly a blessing and a true gift from our creator. Those who don't have it suffer so much, from bad luck to physical pain. Patience is so important to have, so important to practice, so important to abide by.</p>
<p>If you really think about, no one has ever failed because of having patience, no one ever said or did anything they regretted due to patience. It's quite the contrary. Whether it is for good or bad, patience has always been one of the biggest factor in success. Athletes training need to pace themselves or they'll hurt themselves. During a competition, it's important to bide your time and not burn yourself out in the beginning. Even if it's for revenge, it's very important to have enough patience to carry out the plan and go through the course of action.pl</p>

I say all this because for most part of my life, I have been known for being the person with the most patience in the entire family, next to my dad that is. Both of us has the patience to do this many give up very quickly. I mean, I sit there pick out green peppers one by one for about an hour without getting annoyed, I even do embroidery and other crafts that take a long time. But for some reason, I've been very impatient recently. I've noticed that my temper is a lot shorter, I snap a lot more frequently and I don't put up as much as I used to. When I realized this I've also realized how much more complicated my life was becoming. I mean, sure, I used to get walked over more than the welcome mat in front of wal-mart, sure I used to be taken for granted left and right, sure people abused me to the point I've cried because I was so hurt. However, I was able to bare it well without snapping so much. Maybe the earlier me wasn't really healthy for me, especially mentally and physically, but now I feel like I'm becoming a stranger to myself. I don't know if this is just the subconscious side having had enough of people mistreating me and is taking a stance or if something deeper is going on...

Pasta night

For the longest time, I've always wanted to make meatball and spaghetti. I thought it would be so hard or take a long time. The first I've ever had it was at Ellie's, which was not too bad for a desi restaurant. The meatballs were gigantic though. The second time I had it was when J made it. It was so good that it made it even that much more daunting to attempt my own, fearing that it won't live up to my expectations.


But for some reason, I was craving something other than desi food so much tonight that when Mom asked me to grind the beef, I decided I would just make some meatballs to eat a meatball sub (which I thought was a better alternative to bryani, beef curry and chicken curry once again). So I set to work, got the recipe that J used, spun my own twists to it (mostly because I ended up not having the ingredients lol), and went to work. Surprisingly, it tasted pretty well to me. A and M1 approved as did Mom so I guess I can count this as a success. :D 


And, as always, I'll share the recipe with you all. Have fun!


Equipment

• Large bowl
• Food handling glove (optional, I just don't like the smell of raw meat clinging on my hands)
• Tongs (optional, I used them to turn the meatballs and take them out)
• Measuring tools (spoons and cups)
• A pot that can hot about 4-6 quart of liquid
• Oven
• Stove

Ingredients

Meatballs

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 egg
• 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 3/4 tablespoons Italian seasoning
• Salt and ground black pepper to taste
• 1 cups stale bread crumb
• 1 cup lukewarm water

Pasta & Sauce

I used a box of spaghetti and pre-made sauce

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 
• Thoroughly mix together ground beef, egg, garlic, cheese, Italian seasoning, black pepper and salt. Mix bread crumbs until evenly distributed. Then, add water little by little until the mixture is moist and can hold the shape of small balls. 
• Spray a baking sheet with olive oil cooking spray. Roll meatballs loosely about the size of a golf ball and place on baking sheet. Place into preheated oven for approximately 35 to 40 minutes, turning them half way through. 
• Make pasta according to the box's direction, add sauce and stir to evenly distribute the sauce into the spaghetti, then add in the meatballs.

Source 1. Source 2

Tips

• If mixture seems a little loose add more bread crumbs, but avoid adding too much or else the meatballs will be too dry
• As you will see from the sources, adding pork and veal will give it a bit of a different taste. I didn't add it because I don't eat pork and I couldn't find/didn't have Kosher veal.
• When I made mine, the balls were about 2-2.5 inches in diameter so it only took 30 minutes to bake them. How long it takes depends on the size of your meatballs.
• When you take them out, use a cutting utensil to check if the inside is done or not. I made sure there were no redness inside it.

-M

Chewy choco-cookies!

So I finally have a PC again after about 4/5 years. It feels really different from my Macbook but it's nice to have a big keyboard again. I definitely don't miss the fear of getting infected though haha. Anyways, here is the recipe for the super delicious chocolate chip cookies. Now, I've never made cookies from scratch so if I can make them, you can too! It's quite simple and very yummy. Enjoy!


Equipment

• 2 medium/large bowls 
• Sifter
• Electronic mixer or wisk
• Wooden spoon
• Cookie sheet
• Parchment paper (optional)
• Oven
• measuring tools (cups and spoons)

Ingredients

• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cups unsalted butter, melted
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 egg
• 1 egg yolk
• 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325 F. If using cookie sheet, grease with butter or line with parchment paper
2. In the first bowl, sift flour, baking sofa, and salt. Stir them together so they are mixed. Set aside.
3. In the second bowl, cream together melted butter, brown sugar and white sugar until well blended. (I used an electric hand held mixer. I creamed them for about 2-3 minutes. I stopped when it was nice and fluffy looking). In the same bowl, beat in the  vanilla, egg and egg yolk until light and creamy. Then mix in sifted ingredients (flour, baking soda, salt),  it is blended.
4. With a wooden spoon stir in the chocolate chips by hand.
5. On the prepared cookie sheet, drop in 1/4 cup size scoops (for large ones, less if smaller) of the dough 3 inches apart as well as from the edge of the cookie sheet.
6. In the preheated oven, bake the cookies for 15-17 minutes or until edges are golden brown.
7. Once baked, cool on the cookie sheet for a few minutes then transfer to wire rack to cool completely.

Source

Tips

• Bring the butter to room temperature and then melt it in a bowl by microwaving it at 5-10 second intervals. It's okay if not all of the butter is melted. Stir the chunks and the heat from the melted butter will melt it. You do NOT want to put hot butter in the mixture. It'll cook the eggs!
• Try not to over cream (Step 2). I think too much air in the egg mixture makes it too dry.
• Try to have all the ingredients and equipment gathered together. It's such a hassle to look for something in the middle of cooking or to find out you don't have the ingredient.
• From my research I found out that you can refrigerate the dough for a week and freeze it for about a month or so. If you're going to freeze it, make sure you allow enough time to allow the dough to come to room temperature. 
• If you plan on saving the dough for later, scoop out the dough like you would for baking and refrigerate/freeze them like that so when it's baking time all you have to do is arrange them on a cookie sheet.

Hope you have a lovely time baking and enjoy the cookies as much as I did!

-M

Date night

Tonight's date night was quiet pleasant. As usual, it started with a bit of turbulence but thankfully that was it for the night. We went to the improv at the Hard Rock, drank some, laughed some and left. We tried eating at Olive Gardens (food at the improv was way too much and the selections sucked) but it was packed for a Sunday night so we tried Chili's / Red Lobsters / Fridays. Chili's was also crowded so we settled for Fridays. I was pleasantly surprised at the food quality. Not too bad actually. Then we drove back to J's houses, hugged it up and I headed back home, both of us very happy for the night. It's nights like this or the times I go over to nap or cry that I feel the full blessing that Allah bestowed upon me :) I really hope this blessing continues for the rest of my life :)

-M

Choco Cookies

For the last couple days I've been wanting to make cookies from scratch. I even looked up recipes and everything but just couldn't find the time. First it was preparation for the 4th. Then it was Lilatul Barat. Then one crap after another. But I was finally able to make some last night, some deliciously thick, chewy chocolate chip cookies. It was my first time ever making them and man was it good! I'm quite proud of how they turned out, especially since my picky brother even liked them. I only made two last night because it was already so late but scooped up the rest and refrigerated the rest of the dough the same way they sell it at the store. I can't wait to make more and share some with J. He loves chunky cookies. I didn't remember to take pictures of each step but I do remember what I did and what I used so as soon as I get on a real computer I'll post it up. :)

-M

Bismillah

After spending a whole decade in livejournal, I've finally moved on to here. It's a bit nerve wrecking and I don't feel the same level of comfort or the presence of my old audience.  But this too shall pass and I will become used to it.  So I thought, "what better day to start than on Lilatul Barat?" And here I am with my life story. Here's to the future!

-Mina