I'm just so angry these days. It's like I can no longer even remember the me that was happy and full of energy. All the grudges I used to hold, all my disappointments, all the hurt feelings, all my insecurities just keep resurfacing. I keep feeling unappreciated and wronged all the time. Even if something wasn't happening at that moment, something will trigger a memory of something that boils my blood. Worst of all, the more I keep it all in my head, the worse it gets. But I have no one to tell it to.
I need an intervention
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Working out!
Trying to gym back into the gym so right after gyming at my campus, I snuck into A's gym. Wonder how long it'll take for my abs to show again? Probably forever since I'm eating Jalepeno chips and candy left and right. Too lazy to go through the hassle of eating right like before. It takes too much energy to. Make salads, sandwiches and fish. And on top of all that, mom goes psycho if I do anything in the kitchen besides cleaning and cooking so she doesn't have to. Sigh.
And I'm not helping myself feel less stressed by procrastinating on my essays and hw. I need to stop messing around!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Date night and relaxing.
Lately, it seems as though I keep becoming busier and busier each day. I mean before, it was just class and DDC but now it's all that plus work and the work I'm putting into 1U. I literallly have to plan out my week in advance or it doesn't work out. The only time I really have for myself are the times I stay up late at night to either browse the net because I refuse to do anything else or to watch my two shows. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a robot or something, having to always rely on a schedule, to a point that I actually made a big calender that I hung up on my wall to remind me of the things I have to get done.
I mean, I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm happy I have a easy enough job working with kids, that my classes are done with by Tuesday night and that I'm constantly on the move, but sometimes I miss having absolutely nothing to do except just sit there or cook with mom. Ah well, that's life I guess.
However, in the middle of all this, I did enjoy my Wednesday this week. I did have to wake up kind of early even though I went to sleep really late, but I think my day was good overall. After I dropped off A at school, I went over to campus to learn how to crochet. The two ladies who showed me were really nice so I hope the scarf I'm making for the homeless shelther comes out well. Right after that, I got my waxing done with a really nice lady, so that was a nice experience (that also saved a lot of money haha). Then directly after that, I went to J's house.
When I got to his room he was knocked out like he was dead or something, it was so cute haha He was sprawled all over the bed :) He looked so tired that I couldn't bring myself to wake him up so I went and sat outside and crocheted for an hour instead. Then I went to wake him up at 6 since other wise we wouldn't be able to go out.
Watching him wake up and try to get the sleepiness out of his eyes made me really miss the times we used to nap together at his house. I had the best naps ever during those times, especially on rainy nights. I was surprised at how at ease I was with him back then because other than my dad's car, my house, my family's house or a close family friend's house, I've never been able to get deep sleep with anyone else. The best part was waking up in his gigantic arms <3 He's so warm (literally) that it warms up my soul (metaphorically).
Alright alright enough cheesiness, moving on. So after he woke up he went to shower so I fell asleep while he did all that haha. Then after all that, we went to check out the halal burger place, had a nice meal, walked around, went home to relax and talk to his mom for a bit and then I picked up A and went home. It was really relaxing and peaceful in the middle of my hectic schedule. It was our first night out in a while since I'm always busy so it made both of us really happy :)
The only bummer for the entire busy schedule is I don't get to help my mom as much and I can't fix a workout schedule since I wear myself out so quickly and because I have long days and by the time I'm done working, I just wanna go home or go over to J's to cuddle. I'm gonna have to fix that if I wanna get my abs back like I did before roza. Sigh. So much to do and not enough time.
Anyways, getting the sleepiness dizziness. Might as well read Measure for Measure until I pass out.
With love,
-M
I mean, I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm happy I have a easy enough job working with kids, that my classes are done with by Tuesday night and that I'm constantly on the move, but sometimes I miss having absolutely nothing to do except just sit there or cook with mom. Ah well, that's life I guess.
However, in the middle of all this, I did enjoy my Wednesday this week. I did have to wake up kind of early even though I went to sleep really late, but I think my day was good overall. After I dropped off A at school, I went over to campus to learn how to crochet. The two ladies who showed me were really nice so I hope the scarf I'm making for the homeless shelther comes out well. Right after that, I got my waxing done with a really nice lady, so that was a nice experience (that also saved a lot of money haha). Then directly after that, I went to J's house.
When I got to his room he was knocked out like he was dead or something, it was so cute haha He was sprawled all over the bed :) He looked so tired that I couldn't bring myself to wake him up so I went and sat outside and crocheted for an hour instead. Then I went to wake him up at 6 since other wise we wouldn't be able to go out.
Watching him wake up and try to get the sleepiness out of his eyes made me really miss the times we used to nap together at his house. I had the best naps ever during those times, especially on rainy nights. I was surprised at how at ease I was with him back then because other than my dad's car, my house, my family's house or a close family friend's house, I've never been able to get deep sleep with anyone else. The best part was waking up in his gigantic arms <3 He's so warm (literally) that it warms up my soul (metaphorically).
Alright alright enough cheesiness, moving on. So after he woke up he went to shower so I fell asleep while he did all that haha. Then after all that, we went to check out the halal burger place, had a nice meal, walked around, went home to relax and talk to his mom for a bit and then I picked up A and went home. It was really relaxing and peaceful in the middle of my hectic schedule. It was our first night out in a while since I'm always busy so it made both of us really happy :)
The only bummer for the entire busy schedule is I don't get to help my mom as much and I can't fix a workout schedule since I wear myself out so quickly and because I have long days and by the time I'm done working, I just wanna go home or go over to J's to cuddle. I'm gonna have to fix that if I wanna get my abs back like I did before roza. Sigh. So much to do and not enough time.
Anyways, getting the sleepiness dizziness. Might as well read Measure for Measure until I pass out.
With love,
-M
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